Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Pandepression repeat

I've moved this post to another URL. The original got linked to a community listserv that is looking for Timmick, so I've remove the political rant from that one. :)  Sorry to subscribers who are receiving a notification on this content twice! 

I simply have to revive this blog. I'll be moving over to WordPress soon, where there are more options. I've been paying for an acccount for over a year and haven't done a damned thing with it. In the meantime, I--like most of the rest of the world--have been wrestling with pandepression (the blahs caused by social distancing). And based on the lack of interaction on my Facebook group, I'm guessing a lot of cat-parents are as well. 

Lucky us, that we do have our cats to make us smile wanly. Other petless people aren't so lucky, and there are a lot of pet-loving people who are petless by circumstance, not because they want to be. Seniors in assisted living, younger folk stuck in no-pet apartments who don't dare move right now, and people who just don't dare take on the responsibility of a pet in this not-so-secure world we live in now. These petless pet lovers used to get their fix at the local shelter or their friends' homes. Those options are more limited now.

So I understand I am, actually, blessed.

Nonetheless I still have the blahs. Even with this:

Yesterday was my birthday (58 years) and last night, Ruth Bader Ginsberg died. And I know Trump/Mitch will shove for an immediate replacement to push the balance of decisions away from the 50/50 it currently is at. Even though Mitch said this would be an abomination during the Obama administration.

Before she's even cold in the grave. Am I right? Let me know.

At that moment, I had been scrolling around Etsy looking for "blue ring" to buy myself a "less-than-$20" birthstone ring as a selfie-birthday present  (I'm big into cheap sterling silver stackable rings--pretty much the only jewelry I wear since I keep the same set of studs in my ears 24/7 and don't wear necklaces because....kittens).  When I saw RBG had passed I changed my search to "black ring." A mourning ring. Because I need something I see every day that reminds me that...

...America is dying. The US is burning. My planet is dying. Kindness is dying. We were once seen as the guiding light to freedom, and now the rest of the world is sad and appalled at what we've become. 


When I was a kid, I used to wonder how the chance of life had made me lucky enough to be born in the USA.

Surprise! That comes back to haunt you.

(Post note: this is not about wanting presents for my birthday: this is about the reality that one day presents have to not be important): BTW young readers, there will come a point in your life where you will no longer receive birthday and Christmas presents--not a one, unless you buy yourself one. Loved ones will leave you or die, or you'll die first. You'd better be centered enough to deal with the fact that holidays needs to have meaning that isn't about "you" and that Christmas REALLY needs to be about the spirit of the season, because you'll wake up in the morning and it will be nothing special unless you've made it special...all on your own

If you are wondering why I'm feeling so dark, a second cat has been lost by an adopter this year. And I'm really not sure I can deal anymore.

Timmick came to me as a kitten from a neighbor. He was hideously ill. We had his eye removed due to that illness. He was stuck in a cage for a long while to recover, and single kittens have behavioral issues. He was a bit of an asshat, and needed a understand guardian. His new guardian is a great guy but you know? Normal caring people just don't get how paranoid you need to be to keep a cat inside a house.That's why there are so many lost cats. And that's why the world shouldn't be so judgy when someone loses a cat. Because cats are smart and stealthy and don't know that "inside is safe and outside isn't." So the smartest person in the world can lose a cat.

Timmick either pushed out a screen or got out through a basement access door. Now he's lost in Ithaca on Cascadilla Street and I'm wondering if I should keep even doing rescue. Not because so many of my cats are lost, but because the few who are lost destroy my soul. Because every day and every night I think about them out there in the cold, without food.

Every time one gets lost, I find myself less willing to do what it takes to find them again. It just sucks the energy from my soul. 

And that's how I see our country. We are all so tired, we aren't willing to do what it takes to save her. I'm fucking shocked by how many of my friends say "I don't dare put out a Biden sign because I'm worried about retaliation." FUCKING WHAT? We are appalled by people getting KILLED or DYING from Covid and that's why we want a different president. We say we are shocked by Black citizens being killed due to racist profiling. But some of us won't put out a freaking LAWN SIGN while others are risking their lives in protests (or just Driving or Walking While Black in their own neighborhood).


My friends who say they aren't willing to believe in COVID-19 aren't rich, but they ARE relatively comfortable. What does it take for you to believe? Someone dying? And my friends who say they are voting for Trump...I get it. This is pretty much unreal to them (meaning, it hasn't impacted their lives, not that they don't care). They fear what they've been TOLD will happen (guns being taken away, Antifa invading their homes) and don't believe the results of what is actually happening (climate change, skyrocketing national debt; no ACA = no health care for lots of people  you know; no payroll tax = no Social Security). But wait until someone calls you and says "Your mother/father/sister is dying and we need to authorize $$$$$ and decisions on life and death." And it all falls on your love AND your pocketbook. Or wait until that mammogram comes out with red flags and suddenly you are paying $4000 for cancer screening. Or wait until you get the call that your sister has been involved in a devastating car accident and you are driving toward a hospital wondering "does she have insurance? I think she does? What if she doesn't? Could I sell my home?"

Yup. Those are real thoughts.

Imagine if you had to pay for all of that yourself? No, really, think about tomorrow getting a call that a member of your family is on life support and you have to sign the paperwork OR say "oh so sorry...not my problem."

I have a friend who said he doesn't believe COVID-19 is a threat because he hasn't seen anyone ill or dead (our area is rural and does a good job with masks, but Google Lighthouse Baptist Church and see how we've screwed things up). Does it really take your girlfriend dying before you'll believe this is all real?"

And for those of us who won't even put up a sign? I understand. I get that reluctance. But we are at a tipping point. And if you aren't willing to put a sign in your front yard, I'm not willing to watch you gripe on Facebook with a privacy setting for "friends/not aquaintances."

I deal with this on the micro-scale with cats. I've dealt with this on the macro-scale with family. And I know people reading this can share similar stories.

All this from one lost cat, and the death of a woman I've never met.

I love you Timmick. And I'm sorry RBG, that you were not able to die with the peace that you deserved.